Being Vulnerable

A few years ago my teacher encouraged me to be more vulnerable, so naturally my ego took up the challenge. Whether I have grown more open and vulnerable is probably for others to say.

Since that time I have seen that there are two powers in our world. The power of the human ego and the power of the silent Presence.

When I remember to be present, the power of Presence reveals a vast and healing love that dissolves me in peace and silence.

But when I regress and allow the power of the ego to hijack me, I once again feel isolated, distracted and conflicted. John the personality, suffers.

Glimpses of deep Presence have increased as my heart has opened and I’m not as motivated nowadays to save face or seek recognition and acceptance.

In those moments when the suffering feels too much, I confess my vulnerability to God and it opens my heart.

This allows any subconscious wounds to rise up into awareness, into the light. Then out comes the repressed anger or rage, the hurt or fear, followed by tears from the heart that allow the wound to heal.

In those moments I’m very grateful for the support of the conscious, loving people who can be present with me.

As I opened to my soul, the scene was set for a deeper awakening in Presence and this awakening is an ongoing process.

I can see that the refusal to feel our pain and the pursuit of pleasure to mask it are the main reasons that we don't grow and heal as individuals and nations.

At this stage of our human evolution only suffering seems to provide enough motivation to wake us up out of our mind-made stories.

Hopefully, in time our natural love for the Self will motivate us.

Every episode of suffering is an opportunity to awaken, but when the ego resists the lesson we harden and become bitter.

If we can remain vulnerable in the face of suffering we become softer and more open to the present moment.

This acceptance awakens us, while resistance strengthens our attachment to the story that our ego is writing. The ego is designed to awaken us by testing our ability to remain present and it performs it’s job so well and is so wily that only a relationship with our inner Master ultimately saves us.

A relationship with God and my awakened teachers has enabled me to avoid being overwhelmed by the ego’s deluding energies and the maze of the mind. I was trapped in the mind for many cycles.

The 3 qualities that support awakening are vulnerability, the humility to admit that one needs guidance and the faith to trust in the guiding power of the silent Presence.

We also need to value Presence above all things and not allow the ego to devalue it.

A strong ego always has to be the boss as it is like the CEO of a company who deludes himself into believing that he also owns the company. It is only when the true owner (Presence) turns up, that the ego surrenders its control and relaxes.

In that moment of relaxation the beautiful, silent Presence comes forward in your consciousness and you may feel, “I am yours and you are mine.”

Consider how it is often only after an illness, life tragedy or painful event that we start to reflect on the way we live and then make changes for the better. Each of those moments offers an opportunity to awaken.

It has been said that “the mind is the slayer of the Real”. The mind is a useful instrument and a very good servant, as is the ego, but they are both poor masters.

The one true Master is the silent Presence dwelling within you, as you. You develop a relationship with the true Master, (we all have the same One), by learning how to be present and by valuing Presence more than your intellect, ego or other people.

The way out of the mental maze that humanity has been caught in for many generations comes as we allow ourselves to be more vulnerable, to process our feelings and to ask for guidance from within.

This is not to say that we can’t assert ourselves, because we really need to do so with unconscious people. However, when we assert ourselves consciously the recipient isn't harmed by our actions. They will only grow from the interaction.

Guidance comes in many forms. As an awakening experience, as words from an awakened person, from a passage in a book or a kind action or any one of the many ways the power of Presence responds to our open, vulnerable heart.

When asked the immense, eternal Being within us will always respond to show us the Way.

As our openness and transparency normalise we realize that everyone is vulnerable and that harmlessness and non-violence are the most essential human qualities.

Looking in the Mirror

What a surprise it is when you first recognize that the world is simply a mirror of your own mind. With that one insight you realize that the trials of life that seemed so cruel are simply self-induced lessons. 

It helps you understand that your experience is generated by the projection of your own past suffering and desires onto the world. To a large extent you tend to see what you believe about the world and yourself.  Our life experience is a mirror and projection of our own denied thoughts, feelings, beliefs, fears and desires.

I had an amusing and compelling example of my tendency to project many years ago. I was sitting in my car at the beach, feeling a lot of anger towards someone in my life. As I sat there fuming away, I heard an insistent tapping sound and looked over at the external rear vision mirror. There I was amazed to see a little Willie Wagtail bird attacking its own reflection in the mirror.

Time and again this aggressive little fellow attacked the image of what he thought was an upstart intruder into his territory. I laughed out loud realizing that Nature was blessing me with this living demonstration of my own self-destructive habit in such a powerful, yet lighthearted way. There are mirrors everywhere!

When you withdraw your projections from others you start to understand that you are both the sinner and the saint. Then you are seeing the true picture. There is only One Life and it is playing all the roles through its many forms. In that moment the Willie Wagtail and I were One! 

As Shakespeare said "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts"..  At one time I am the aggressor and the next I am the victim; at times I am the student and next the teacher. And whereas all these roles are transient if taken at face value they perpetuate my sense of duality. The Self is only One. 

The mind creates endless sensations, emotions, thoughts, beliefs, desires and many other modifications. They are all objects in consciousness and yet we identify with them and believe we are the pain or pleasure, the anger or sadness, the political belief or the idealistic attitude.

Even the ego, our sense of being a separate self is an object. It is simply the "I" thought and the root of all other thoughts. Pull out the root and then ask "who is having this thought, feeling, belief or concern?  You realize there is actually no individual there, only Pure Consciousness.

It is when we can observe this "I" thought and really see it, that it simply falls away and the silent Presence emerges in its place. In that present moment there is only Peace.

Before you can realize this, there is a need to look at your own subconscious self to find the denied parts that you are projecting onto others. Until you withdraw these projections, the Self will remain veiled by the defences that protect you from the things you don't accept about yourself.  

The more you defend against your denied parts, the more anxious or depressed you feel and the more you project those denied aspects onto others. Have you noticed how awakened people don’t feel the need to defend themselves?

In intimate relationships it is easy to project the denied aspects of yourself onto your partner. Blaming and judging are due to your own ego looking into the mirror of your partner and not liking what it sees. So there is a very real need for compassion, acceptance and forgiveness towards yourself and others in relationshsips. In fact, the healing only starts with self-love.  

We tend to be attracted to the very people who have the qualities that we have denied in ourselves. For instance, the introvert marries the extrovert and then spends their time wondering why they got together with someone who talks so much. And the extrovert wonders how they could have married someone who never talks!

Neither realizes that their own habit of being an extrovert or introvert, over lifetimes, requires a rebalancing. Their polarization at one end of the spectrum is mirrored by linking up with someone who displays the behaviours they need to develop in order to be whole. 

Your soul, the reincarnating principle, constantly seeks to express greater wholeness in each new life and the existence of inner and outer conflict is the sign of that need. The secret to resolving the inner conflict is to move towards the centre and allow, as in our example, the qualities of both introversion and extroversion to express themselves through us. 

On a political level projection is seen in conflicts in the Middle East, Africa and Europe where whole cultures refuse to look in the mirror. Often these tribes who fight each other over decades, centuries and even millenia are brothers in a very real sense. Yet, they continue to feud over generations, because they look in the mirror held up by their brother and don’t like what they see.

When will someone emerge who can help our societies withdraw these projections? How do we offer psychotherapy to whole cultures? Living in the remembered past and imagined future maintains this feuding. If they were to stop and see just how similar they are, then they would be able to embrace.

Of course, the problem is made worse by the fear and immense pain of past traumas and betrayals and the projection of that pain into the imagined future. Only the surrender of their group ego defences which would reveal the Presence as Love, Peace and Compassion will resolve these feuds. 

So from the point of view of the mind we see how different we are and there is only diversity, while from the perspective of the Self we are all literally One. To actually know and experience Oneness the mind must become silent and the ego must be seen and understood as the source of the problem. The ego must feel safe enough to surrender its control over the mind. 

The surrender of the ego to the Self is as beautiful and delightful as a dewdrop slipping into a shining sea. It is only from the ego's point of view that surrender is distressing, because it has been borne out of separation. It is the sum of all of our fears. It is all about fear. Where there is fear there can be no understanding. 

The first step to healing for each one of us is to see that fear is a mind-created problem and not inherently real. The Self has no fear for It doesn't know separation. 

The Mental Cage

Most of us live & move within a mental cage that is constructed out of our thoughts, feelings and desires.

The entrancing nature of this illusion makes us regard the cage as our true identity and so if anyone threatens our desires, beliefs or identity then we may become defensive and want to fight them.

The defender of this cage is the ego or ‘I’ thought and it is the root and foundation of the entire mind. It keeps us trapped and fearful about what will happen if we drop our mental defences. The ego keeps the cage door locked tight and it is only when we are patient and forgiving towards the ego that it will relax and open the door into the freedom of the silent Presence.

Until then a lack of discernment binds us to our thoughts, cut off from the life and creativity of the present moment. Discernment refers to the ability to tell the difference between what is real and eternal in our nature and what is mind-based and temporary.

The world is a dream created by the mind and senses and the dream’s story is narrated by the ego. Trapped in this cage we are like the man who reacts when he thinks he is seeing a snake, when he’s only looking at a piece of rope.

Every immersion in your natural state of Presence dis-empowers the dream, allowing you to relax more deeply into the ever-present, all-knowing and all-powerful present moment.

As the cage door slowly opens you gradually realize that events are transient, that love and silence are your true nature and are always there when you are present. The mind just has to be silent for you to feel it.

When you surrender to what is and relax into your natural state of Presence you see that all the beliefs, fears and desires are separate from your true nature and then they melt away.

With each moment of awakening you stand free, liberated from the activity of the mind, even though nothing else has changed in your day to day life.

You come to love and value the silence and stillness above all things and see that nothing has ever happened to take you out of your natural state. You have simply identified with the cage and its contents.

In Reality everything is perfect and whole and always has been.

No Trace, Only Grace.

When fully immersed in the present moment what you gaze upon receives the energy of Pure Consciousness, which is grace.

That energy brings healing, insight and a deepening in Presence.

When our actions arise spontaneously while we are immersed in the present moment, they are inherently altruistic and so leave no trace, only grace.

Like the wind on water.

The Power of Presence

True and profound healing is possible when you are fully present in this moment.

By simply being present, without reaction, the mind quietens, the breath calms and the body relaxes.

As you become more deeply present you are drawn into the depth of the silent Presence, your true nature and home.

In that space, the powerful, wise and loving action of grace is readily available to heal any unresolved aspect of you that reveals itself.

To engage with grace requires a little faith in the power, love and healing ability of the silent Presence.

Faith is not a belief, but the natural love and trust you have for your inner Master, God.

So, whenever you ask for healing in that spirit of faith, grace responds from within and provides whatever is needed. Try it & see.

There is no need to heal your ego's stuff or your story, in order to awaken.

You just need to be fully present with whatever feeling, belief or issue arises and allow it to emerge, express itself and be released.

The ego, which created your story, cannot heal you, because it is a part of the mind.

It only knows how to protect and defend you and all too often that makes you a captive of its fears, desires and need for control.

It also prevents you from deepening into Presence.

In fact, the ego’s most sublime action comes when it surrenders its hold over you.

Then, as it lets go, the grace and power of Presence is there and you are awake in this moment.

When does the ego let go? Only when it feels loved, accepted and recognized will it relax enough to surrender to the loving Presence.

Then, in the moment it lets go, you are fully present and one with the silence, love and peace of the Self.

The Voice of the Silence

With so many voices fighting to be heard in our world it helps to be able to discern the true from the false.

Truth is a relative commodity in our mind-made world because the mind has no capacity to discern the Truth, which is eternal and a mystery to the ego and mind.

The current barrage of voices are committed to convincing us that their side of each argument is the true one. And some are willing to kill to make their point.

This fear-based behaviour is motivated by the ego’s commitment to defending itself. In fact, the ‘truth’ is often closer to the middle way that balances the two extremes.

The best way to discern between all of these voices lies closer to home.

You can best develop discernment by learning to differentiate between the voice of your ego and the voice of the silent Presence within.

The ego’s voice is mind-based and so it supports the goal of material happiness & success, but in doing so enmeshes you in the world of separation, fear and desire.

To hear your true voice, the voice of the Silence, your mind has to quieten by focusing on something concrete like a sight or sound.

When you concentrate on one thing the ego relaxes it’s grip on you and the mind is able to return to the present moment.

Then in the thought-free state of the present moment there is an inherent knowing and discernment about what is life-giving and wholesome and what is not.

This knowing is like an inner voice that emerges from the Silence. It is your own inner detective and offers the discernment of a silent mind.

The bliss that emerges from the Silence is the true happiness that we all seek.

It comes from within, but the ego, in its deluding way, convinces us that happiness can only be found outside in the material world.

Bliss is part of our true nature and so happiness is revealed as you awaken into the silence, peace and stillness of Presence.

As you become more established in Presence, this discerning and knowing inner voice emerges to guide you through the jungle of the mind-made world.

Being Myself

What a simple thing it is to be myself.

Mind quiet and accepting, heart loving and open.

The past and future both absent because I am here now.

At peace with who I am in this moment, at peace with whatever comes.

No need for anything to be desired or sought.

Whole and complete.

Free of everything that needs to judge, condemn or demand. Free of any need to perform or try.

Life flows and so sometimes there is joy, sometimes sadness, sometimes chaos.

I meet each moment as I am, with whatever response comes.

I am deeply present when I am not seeking anything from other people or things.

Whatever is mine comes to me. Whatever I attract, awakens me.

I accept and witness what I am thinking, feeling and doing.

I’m aware of what arises in each moment and don’t hold onto it. What passes is not me.

I Am. I simply Am. I am here now in this moment with you.

Whatever needs to be done, I do it. I no longer ‘practice’ values or principles, I just respond to the need of the moment.

The world keeps rolling. The body & mind respond. I watch.

The body gets sick, the ego worries and I watch as it recovers.

The world appears chaotic and mad at times because of ignorance and separation.

And yet when I am myself, all is well.

Our Natural State

True spirituality is essentially being and expressing yourself. Like a child who is joyful, loving and spontaneous.

As natural and inherent as this state is our early experience and conditioning tend to make us shut it down.

So to awaken requires two things:

Firstly, we need to relax and allow our hearts to open again.

When the heart opens, you feel a close connection with your true Self. You are meeting your oldest, dearest friend again.

An open heart quietens the mind and is the door to your Self. But for it to open, you have to relax your defence mechanisms. Someone who has been deeply traumatized will struggle with this aspect, so good guidance, faith in the existence of the Self and perseverance is required.

Secondly, there is a need to work with courage on the unresolved factors that flow up as your heart opens. It is your choice to do this or not. You can remain trapped in the mind and suffer for lifetimes or awaken to the Self.

Awakening is simply letting go and allowing your natural state to emerge from within.

The presence of the Self permeates everything in existence, so you will feel and sense it in everything, when you are present. Our true Self is deep relaxation, peace and silence. It is spontaneous and flowing, though due to fears we tend to block it’s flow.

It resonates with beauty, truth and goodness and is love itself and oneness with all things. It will express itself through all levels of our human identity, if we surrender to it.

As we open to our natural state, everything that is not aligned with it is brought up to be healed. So to realize the Self you do need to manage your body, emotions, thoughts and identity.

You learn to love and manage each of these elements, as you recognize how they veil your true nature. The veils distract us from being present in the moment, due to physical pain, fears, desire and inhibitions, distracted thoughts and the urge for control and recognition.

It is the ego, that throws up all of these challenges and distractions, to see if you have fully realized your true nature as the Self. If you have, then you are left alone to dwell in the present moment.

By accepting and managing your conscious self, your true nature as the Self is realized and embodied in your everyday life.